Your thoughts on what i wrote?? How can i improve it?

I run.


I run till my lungs feel like they might burst. My muscles strain and tighten There鈥檚 a stabbing pain in my back. But I can鈥檛 find him.


I run harder and faster, pushing myself to the edge of insanity.


He鈥檚 nowhere to be seen.


I scream in frustration, but don鈥檛 slow down. My body doesn鈥檛 dare stop. During my act of frustration, I loose my balance, tripping over my own feet.


My body goes falling forward, and slams hard into the cold, hard ground. I don鈥檛 want to get up, I want to stay on the ground forever and forget the twisted world around me. But the thick liquid that runs down my face forces me to lift my head up.


I climb on my hands and knees, looking down to the floor, and there lays a puddle of a thick, red liquid. More of the liquid drips from my face, landing in the puddle with a drip.


Blood.


My stomach turns, and nausea overcomes me. My shaking body slowly rises from the ground, lifeless and limp. I take a heaving breath in, filling my burning lung, and exhale in a shriek.


My shrieking finally shimmers down to a soft sob. Wrapping my arms around my torso, I hobble forward鈥ooking for him.


I venture forward aimlessly, for what seems like an eternity. Soon, the sense of somebody watching me is overpowering. My body stops in it鈥檚 tracks, I wipe my tear stained face with the back of my hand, and slowly turn around.


And there he is.


I gasp at his image, and automatically start to finger the necklace that lays at the hallow of my neck.


I stagger forward, extending my hand towards him, reaching for him. His ocean blue eyes sparkle as he moves towards me, his midnight hair swaying with every movement of his body.


I rush towards him, as I get closer to him I come closer to hope.


I am no more than 5 feet from him when the floor seems to disappear from under my feet. My body feels light and weightless, I kick and grab at the air, desperate not to loose him again.


I shriek as he disappears above me, and darkness wraps it鈥檚 hands around me, pulling me downward. His hand is extended toward me, reaching for me. I desperately try to grab his hand, but it鈥檚 useless. I let the darkness overtake me.


And I fall.





PLEASE tell my how i can improve this! and what r your thoughts on it?





and yes i know there are ALOT of spelling misstakes, sorry about that!


THANK YOU!!!


:DYour thoughts on what i wrote?? How can i improve it?
i think if you want to be more realistic you would not have the person drip that much blood. if the puddle is big [if thats what you imagine] the person would not have enough blood to live, to much splattered on the floor would leave your main character dead. but thats for realism, this seems like a dream.

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